So guys, based on some of your comments and suggestions, I have added more information to my paragraph. What do you think about it now?
I'm Vinicius Lemos. I was born in Brasília in 1976. Last year I traveled to France. I love visiting different countries and learning about other cultures. I have been an English teacher for 16 years or so. On weekends, I go to the park. I go running.Everyone in my family lives in Brasília. My mother lives in Florianópolis. I've been working at Casa Thomas Jefferson since 2002. I work at the Sudoeste Branch. This picture was taken in France last year. It was my favorite place. I visited the Versailles Palace. I have other hobbies, such as dancing hip hop. I like studying languages. I study Italian and Spanish. On Sundays, I visit my grandmother or my father. We have lunch together. I have two brothers and two sisters. They are younger than me. I love my job. I always meet a lot of interesting people every semester. I love traveling. I'm a very happy person.
You've said I included few ideas, so now I have added a lot more information. Is that enough? Take a look at what other classmates have said about the first version and look at this second version again. What else could be done to improve this piece of writing?
Can you give me more specific suggestions this time? You have the power to edit my sentences and ideas! Make your comment and say how you would improve it(post the edited and corrected sentence). You don't need to correct everything but rather a piece of it. This way, everyone will have a chance to contribute!
On Sunday evening, I'll write a third final version based on all your suggestions given this weekend. I'm looking foward to hearing from you!
Vinicius Lemos
