Hello, this is the first version of my introduction. Read it and leave a comment saying what you think about it. Use the questions bellow the introduction to help you.
I'm Claudio Fleury. I have been an English teacher for the past 15 years or so. I've been working at Casa Thomas Jefferson since 2004. I work at the main branch, Asa Sul. Before working here I worked at the Lago Sul branch. This picture was taken there last year.
Questions:
- Is the introduction complete? If so, what extra information do you think would be relevant? If not, what else do you think should be inserted?
- How could this introduction be better connected?
- Do you think the picture plays an important role in an online introduction? Why (not)?
13 comments:
Hi, Claudio
I would you like to know, where do you go.. How many time do you live in Brasilia... if you like Brasilia... Where was born.... I think very important to the picture, because we know if you is new or old, but I don't have picture in my computer because I don't understand the computer well!! If the pictur is more hearty
Hi Cláudio,
Your introduction is ok, but I think it could be better if you write about your studies: where have you studied, experiences in foreing countries, etc.
Best regards.
Edmar
A introduction is something that you have to be simple and brief. Your introduction is complete but when you mentioned about the picture was unnecessary. This introduction could be better connected if you talked where you have studied, which course you did and is not necessary a picture because when you describe your life fires the imagination of the people.
Hi, Claudio. How are you ? I think a blog is not used to post long comments, however I don't think the introduction is complete. You shouldn't have limited yourself to describe your career. In a way, your introduction shows who you are in a simple way, but it's not enough. It would be relevant to write about the person you are besides being a teacher, for example: marital status, if you have kids, hobbies and interests, why to be an english teacher. The picture plays an important role in an online introduction indeed. (...)
(...) The pictures posted express who we are or what we like most and it’s generally related to a place we have visited or enjoyed, or to our mood or feeling at that moment.
That's all ! I think I’ve written enough… see you! ;-)
Hi Claudio, it's a pleasure to meet you. In my opinion your introductions was incomplete. I’m sure there are other interesting aspects of your life that you would like to share with us, such as: have you had other jobs? What is your background? Why did you become a teacher? Have you ever lived abroad? What are your plans for the future? You may also want to tell us about your hobbies, what other languages you speak, how are you are, single or married, what do you like to do at you leisure time.
The way you wrote your introduction was very straight to the point, but with nothing to catch the readers’ attention. There are no connections between the phrases, which mad the reading very dry and kind of boring. This is not good for the internet.
I think the picture plays an important role on an online introduction. People need to have this kind of visual stimulus to get connected with who is writing.
Look forwarding to hearing more about you.
Maria do Socorro Borges
Thank you, Socorro, Lina, Edmar, Karina and Marcia for your feedback. Feedback plays an important role when we are writing. I will now improve my introduction, taking your suggestions into consideration.
Hi, Claudio!
I am Tereza Raquel, and it is my pleasure to be working with you in our Practical Writing course.
I think that you introduction is ok.
As Edmar, I would like to know about your experience abroad. I work at Banco do Brasil and I intend to work in another country in the future.
In the last year, I had an opportunity to visit Japan, Orlando, New York and Miami on business and I loved so much that experience.
I love photography and I intent to add my photo in my personal information as soon as possible.
In my opinion photo sharing is a great way to keep in touch with friends, family and colleagues.
Kind regards,
Raquel
Hi Claudio,
I am finally contributing for this chat! I think your introduction is enough for us to know about you as an English teacher, but not to have an idea of what you usually like to do or where you like to go to, for example, or any one of your hobbies.
But I think that as a first introduction a simple text is a good option since sometimes we do not have any idea of what people would like to know about us.
I know Claudio Fleury from work. He is a sweet person, really nice. I liked to read his life history. It's very interesting!!
See you.
Hi Claudio,
As the other students, I think you could say more about yourself, experiences in foreing countries, etc. These informations should be atractive to people who wants to know you better.
Kind regards
Andréa Rosa
Hi, Claudio
I think your introduction is ok, but very short and not complete. The picture is good and important to the students. In my opinion you should write about your job, life, studies, family, experiences.
Lindomar
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