About the Instructor- final version

Hi dear practical writers! I suppose this is a busy week for you all and since nobody else has given me new feedback, I decided to post my final version based on your previous suggestions and questions. Notice that the difference between this final version and the 2nd version is the fact that I used connectors to link the ideas of my paragraph. The ideas flow much better! This is something you have to consider when writing your own paragraphs!


I'm Vinicius Lemos and I work at Casa Thomas Jefferson. I have been an English teacher for 16 years, 10 of which at Casa Thomas Jefferson. By the way, I work at the Sudoeste Branch and I teach children, teenagers and adults as well. This is the 4th online course I teach and I like trying out innovative teaching and learning practices. I learned English the English I know at Casa Thomas Jefferson. In fact, I started when I was only 11 years old. In addition, I lived in North Dakota as an exchange student from 1993 to 1994. I must say it was one of the greatest experiences in my life. This picture was taken last year on trip to New York City, one of my favorite spots on Earth. Moreover, I love cold weather, so no better place to be during my vacation. Traveling, as a matter of fact, is probably my favorite hobby.I have visited some countries in South America, like Argentina,Peru, Chile and Uruguay and this is one of the reasons why I am studying Spanish. I want to travel and practice Spanish on future adventures. How about you, do you like visiting different places like I do?


Now, it`s time for me to know a bit more about you all! I`m very curious to learn more things about everyone! Use my paragraph as a model and upload your own to our course platform. Have a great week!

About the Instructor- 2nd version

Hi guys, based on all your questions and suggestions I have improved a bit my paragraph. That`s how it looks now:

I'm Vinicius Lemos.I work at Casa Thomas Jefferson. I have been an English teacher for 16 years or so.I have worked at Thomas for almost 10 years. I work at the Sudoeste Branch.I teach children, teenagers and adults. I learned English at Casa Thomas Jefferson. I started when I was only 11 years old. I lived in North Dakota. I was an exchange student.The year was 1993.This picture was taken last year.I was in New York City. I love cold weather. I have visited some countries in South America. I have visited Argentina,Peru, Chile and Uruguay. I am studying Spanish. I want to travel and practice Spanish.This is the 4th online course I teach. I like trying out innovative teaching and learning practices.

So , what do you think about it? Is it good enough? Is there anything you think I should do to make it look better? Should I include any other piece of information?
Give me some more ideas so that I can write my final version for this paragraph. Tomorrow night I am going to take your comments and post the final third version. See you guys!

About the Instructor- 1st version

I'm Vinicius Lemos. I have been an English teacher for 16 years or so. I've been working at Casa Thomas Jefferson since 2002. I work at the Sudoeste Branch. This picture was taken last year.

About the Instructor- 3rd Final Version

Hello everyone, there are a few things I`d like to share with you about myself.I'm Vinicius Lemos and I was born in Brasília in 1976. I`m single and I have two brothers and a sister, all younger than me. I`ve lived here all my life. As a matter of fact, everyone in my family lives in Brasília, except for my mother, who lives in Florianópolis. I have been an English teacher for sixteen years, nine of which at Casa Thomas Jefferson. Nowadays, I`m working at the Sudoeste branch and I really like my job because I always have the opportunity to meet new people and share with them so many interesting things about the English language and other things about life in general. As a teacher, I have a very busy life, but there are many things I like to do in my spare time. On weekends, for example, I go running at the park and, after that, I visit my grandmother or my father. We have lunch together and it`s the opportunity I have to meet some relatives and talk to them for a little bit. Whenever I have some free time, I like to dance hip hop, which is definitely my favorite hobby. I also like studying languages. Indeed, I study Italian and Spanish and I must say it`s been a wild experience, but I`m enjoying it very much. Last year I had one one my dreams come true: I traveled to France. To be honest, I love visiting different countries and learning about other cultures. This picture was taken at the Versailles Palace, in France. It was my favorite place there! In sum, I think I`m a very happy person because I`m able to work with something I really like and I also have time to do so many things I enjoy.


So here is the final version! What do you think about it? Is it more organized now? Does the reading flow better? What makes this a better paragraph if compared to the previous ones?

About the Instructor (2011) - 2nd Version

So guys, based on some of your comments and suggestions, I have added more information to my paragraph. What do you think about it now?

I'm Vinicius Lemos. I was born in Brasília in 1976. Last year I traveled to France. I love visiting different countries and learning about other cultures. I have been an English teacher for 16 years or so. On weekends, I go to the park. I go running.Everyone in my family lives in Brasília. My mother lives in Florianópolis. I've been working at Casa Thomas Jefferson since 2002. I work at the Sudoeste Branch. This picture was taken in France last year. It was my favorite place. I visited the Versailles Palace. I have other hobbies, such as dancing hip hop. I like studying languages. I study Italian and Spanish. On Sundays, I visit my grandmother or my father. We have lunch together. I have two brothers and two sisters. They are younger than me. I love my job. I always meet a lot of interesting people every semester. I love traveling. I'm a very happy person.

You've said I included few ideas, so now I have added a lot more information. Is that enough? Take a look at what other classmates have said about the first version and look at this second version again. What else could be done to improve this piece of writing?
Can you give me more specific suggestions this time? You have the power to edit my sentences and ideas! Make your comment and say how you would improve it(post the edited and corrected sentence). You don't need to correct everything but rather a piece of it. This way, everyone will have a chance to contribute!

On Sunday evening, I'll write a third final version based on all your suggestions given this weekend. I'm looking foward to hearing from you!

Vinicius Lemos

About the Instructor (2011)

I'm Vinicius Lemos. I have been an English teacher for 16 years or so. I've been working at Casa Thomas Jefferson since 2002. I work at the Sudoeste Branch. This picture was taken there last year.


Questions:

* Is the introduction complete? If so, what extra information do you think would be relevant? If not, what else do you think should be inserted?
* How could this introduction be better connected?
* Do you think the picture plays an important role in an online introduction? Why (not)?
* What other information could be included in this paragraph?