Friday, March 25, 2011
Hello everyone, there are a few things I`d like to share with you about myself.I'm Vinicius Lemos and I was born in Brasília in 1976. I`m single and I have two brothers and a sister, all younger than me. I`ve lived here all my life. As a matter of fact, everyone in my family lives in Brasília, except for my mother, who lives in Florianópolis. I have been an English teacher for sixteen years, nine of which at Casa Thomas Jefferson. Nowadays, I`m working at the Sudoeste branch and I really like my job because I always have the opportunity to meet new people and share with them so many interesting things about the English language and other things about life in general. As a teacher, I have a very busy life, but there are many things I like to do in my spare time. On weekends, for example, I go running at the park and, after that, I visit my grandmother or my father. We have lunch together and it`s the opportunity I have to meet some relatives and talk to them for a little bit. Whenever I have some free time, I like to dance hip hop, which is definitely my favorite hobby. I also like studying languages. Indeed, I study Italian and Spanish and I must say it`s been a wild experience, but I`m enjoying it very much. Last year I had one one my dreams come true: I traveled to France. To be honest, I love visiting different countries and learning about other cultures. This picture was taken at the Versailles Palace, in France. It was my favorite place there! In sum, I think I`m a very happy person because I`m able to work with something I really like and I also have time to do so many things I enjoy.
So here is the final version! What do you think about it? Is it more organized now? Does the reading flow better? What makes this a better paragraph if compared to the previous ones?
Saturday, March 19, 2011
So guys, based on some of your comments and suggestions, I have added more information to my paragraph. What do you think about it now?
I'm Vinicius Lemos. I was born in Brasília in 1976. Last year I traveled to France. I love visiting different countries and learning about other cultures. I have been an English teacher for 16 years or so. On weekends, I go to the park. I go running.Everyone in my family lives in Brasília. My mother lives in Florianópolis. I've been working at Casa Thomas Jefferson since 2002. I work at the Sudoeste Branch. This picture was taken in France last year. It was my favorite place. I visited the Versailles Palace. I have other hobbies, such as dancing hip hop. I like studying languages. I study Italian and Spanish. On Sundays, I visit my grandmother or my father. We have lunch together. I have two brothers and two sisters. They are younger than me. I love my job. I always meet a lot of interesting people every semester. I love traveling. I'm a very happy person.
You've said I included few ideas, so now I have added a lot more information. Is that enough? Take a look at what other classmates have said about the first version and look at this second version again. What else could be done to improve this piece of writing?
Can you give me more specific suggestions this time? You have the power to edit my sentences and ideas! Make your comment and say how you would improve it(post the edited and corrected sentence). You don't need to correct everything but rather a piece of it. This way, everyone will have a chance to contribute!
On Sunday evening, I'll write a third final version based on all your suggestions given this weekend. I'm looking foward to hearing from you!
Monday, March 14, 2011
I'm Vinicius Lemos. I have been an English teacher for 16 years or so. I've been working at Casa Thomas Jefferson since 2002. I work at the Sudoeste Branch. This picture was taken there last year.
* Is the introduction complete? If so, what extra information do you think would be relevant? If not, what else do you think should be inserted?
* How could this introduction be better connected?
* Do you think the picture plays an important role in an online introduction? Why (not)?
* What other information could be included in this paragraph?